what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my liver is dry heaving
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
