So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im part way to drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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