I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
