maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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