i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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