Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
