you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
