I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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