so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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