I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We need to get me chipped asap
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
