I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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