Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
