I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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