people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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