also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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