I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
