Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
