i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
