i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
