the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
