HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
