don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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