Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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