ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
