they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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