update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
