Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
