get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
