He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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