He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
