can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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