I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
