If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
