mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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