he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
