I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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