my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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