I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
