I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
