I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Small penises have feelings too.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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