At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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