Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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