Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
