tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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