In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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