oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
