so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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