I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
