btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
