This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
