If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
