do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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