How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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