this just has baby written all over it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
