My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
