it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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