Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
