hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
