didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
