This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
