fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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