you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
